The 29th Guy

Middle-to-late January, 2016, in the conference room at a local TV station...

GENERAL MANAGER: 

Okay, I think that covers everything. Good meeting everyone!

PROGRAM DIRECTOR:

Wait, we didn't go over our plan for Black History Month programming.

GENERAL MANAGER:

Oh. Well, I just assumed we'd do what we always do. Run the standard "Heroes of Black History" profiles in the same time slot we do every year.

MARKETING PERSON:

Yep, the usual 28 profiles in courage. Harriet Tubman, Jackie Robinson, Martin Luther King. The other ones. We're all set.

PROGRAM DIRECTOR:

Have you all forgotten that this is a Leap Year? 29 days!

MARKETING PERSON:

Oh shit!

GENERAL MANAGER:

Dear God!

PROGRAM DIRECTOR:

What are we gonna do, you guys?

OLD SCHOOL TECHNICIAN:

Calm down. We're fine.

PROGRAM DIRECTOR:

What are you talking about? We're in deep, serious trouble here!

GENERAL MANAGER:

Run Jackie Robinson twice!

MARKETING PERSON:

We can't do that! They'll know! They'll know!!

OLD SCHOOL TECHNICIAN:

(Sigh) I keep forgetting. Most of you weren't here four years ago. And the ones that were have apparently don't remember. But it's okay. We have a 29th guy.

PROGRAM DIRECTOR:

We do?

GENERAL MANAGER:

Who?

OLD SCHOOL TECHNICIAN:

It's Bill.

MARKETING PERSON:

Oh, that's right! Bill! I totally forgot!

GENERAL MANAGER:

Who is Bill?

OLD SCHOOL TECHNICIAN:

Bill is my neighbor. Nice guy. Black. Works at the post office.

MARKETING PERSON:

That's right. We have this problem every four years. We have a standard rotation of 28 black people that we honor every year. We don't have more than that because we'd have to bump people to fit them all in. Can you imagine a Black History Month where we didn't spotlight Frederick Douglass? Talk about an uproar!

OLD SCHOOL TECHNICIAN:

So we needed somebody that's good but not too heroic or meaningful. Somebody we could celebrate during Leap Years but then skip over three years out of four. That's Bill.

MARKETING PERSON:

Bill is perfect. He's black.

OLD SCHOOL TECHNICIAN:

Bill and I have been neighbors for years. He's black. We have been using him in this capacity since the 70's. Bill is the 29th guy!

GENERAL MANAGER:

So... we're profiling your neighbor as a hero of the black community?

OLD SCHOOL TECHNICIAN:

Well, Bill isn't really a hero, but he is my neighbor and he is black. He's a nice guy, a good guy. A black guy. He goes to work, does a good job. Keeps his property nice and clean. He recycles but he isn't a fanatic about it. He's black. He gets kind of obnoxious about rooting for the Yankees when they're in the playoffs, which I don't know what that's all about since he's from Chicago but whatever. Overall, a nice, good guy though. And he is black.

MARKETING PERSON:

He's right. I've met Bill and he's okay. And black.

PROGRAM DIRECTOR:

Sounds good to me!

GENERAL MANAGER:

Me too! Okay then, now we're covered for the 3:35 AM - 3:38 AM slot for the whole month. Good meeting, everyone!

HAPPY NOW-OVER BLACK HISTORY MONTH, EVERYONE!