Monday, June 11, 2007


Yowza, I am in pain today. Actually, I've been in pain since Saturday afternoon. You see, I just got back (Sunday) from a mini-vacation, a small portion of which was spent outdoors at a pool...where I got sunburned.
This is completely unacceptable for a variety of reasons:
A) I live in Florida and should know better. True. I've lived in Florida for over 20 years now.
B) I live on planet Earth and should know better. It's not like Florida is the only place you can get a sunburn. I've gotten sunburns in Michigan, Illinois, Kentucky and Frankfurt, Germany and they all hurt about the same.
C.) It's not fair, I don't deserve this. Also true. Nobody I was with got burnt. "Well, I'm a little red right around this one inch area near my shoulder, see, where I slide the strap over a little...". No. That doesn't count. If you don't feel like every raw nerve ending in your body is poking through your skin like hairs, you are not burnt like I am burnt.

Here's the thing; I do know better and took numerous precautions to prevent this from happening. Ok, I did forget that the sun is close enough to where I live during the summer time to be eligible for an 813 area code, but I honestly wasn't out that long. When I was, I applied liberal amounts of waterproof SPF35 sun block all over and had a shirt on the whole time I was out of the pool. Plus, I'm not fair skinned. I mean, I'm white but I'm not like some people whose skin hue is about the same as a fluorescent tube. You wouldn't think I'd be the kind of person who's overly susceptible to getting burnt. I guess this is just another one of those things.
So what happens when you're suffering from sunburn, and what I'm going through right now, is your skin gets really, really tight. Drawn over your body like the head of a snare drum tight. It hurts to move, so you try not to. You spend long periods of time in one position. This inactivity causes your muscles to tighten up. The result being when you do have to move, and unless you're one of those lucky bastards in a coma, you will eventually have to move, your entire body aches, skin and muscles working together to painfully remind you what a dumbass you are.
The beauty, and by beauty I mean ironic agony, is there's nothing you can do about it other than wait it out and let it heal. I've gone through almost half a large bottle of aloe lotion, but that's momentary relief at best. I'm going to start keeping mine in the fridge. You can also take cool showers. However, standard toweling off is not recommended. Your options are strategic dabbing or air drying. Then there's the whole issue of avoiding touching someone or being touched by someone, which is almost impossible unless you live by yourself out in the desert or some tropical jungle...places that don't have aloe lotion.

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