Thursday, June 14, 2007


I just saw a TV commercial that featured some pick-up truck...excuse, me Sport Utility Vehicle...whatever...driving up the sides of buildings, leaping across rooftops and basically flying all over the place. Sometimes upside down. Beneath all these obviously computer generated special effects images in very small print was the word "FICTIONALIZATION".

That's it? That's all you have to do to cover your ass when you put something out there that's obviously impossible and completely untrue? You have to be kidding me! I don't think that's even a real word. I've never heard that word used before. I'll bet when I go to post this, spellcheck is going to flag it. Yet, somebody's lawyers determined that this is valid legal protection in the event that some idiot buys one of these things and gets upset (and/or killed) when it doesn't navigate a 90 degree turn straight up and drive up a wall? Well, that's awesome if that's the case, because this opens up all kinds of opportunities for me. I'm going to make up my own words, have them printed up in a tiny typeface on business cards and hold them up below my chin whenever I tell lies.

  • "I'm not coming in today. I have the flu real bad" - BULLSHITTERY
  • "You must have received my payment. I mailed the check over a week ago." - FALSITIVITY
  • "Of course I went to college." - DECEPTICONJUNCTIVITIS
  • "I attend church services regularly" - TRUTHESQUE
  • "Wow, you look great!" - MADEUPALUFAGUS

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