Monday, June 25, 2007

Why I don't work with kids

So I come home from the store tonight with $52.00 worth of groceries. I don't care how expensive food has gotten, you can still get a whole lot of very heavy stuff for $52.00. It's even heavier if you live on the second floor. I was tired after working all day plus I'm lazy, so when I saw one of the local urchins hanging out in the parking lot, I saw an opportunity.

ME: Hey, you wanna make $5?
KID: Doin' what?
ME: Carry these groceries up the stairs to that apartment.
KID: $5 a trip? It's gonna take me more than one trip.
ME: No, not $5 a trip. $5. I don't care how many trips.
KID: Man, you cheap.
ME: What are you talking about? It'll take you maybe five minutes. That comes out to $60 an hour. Crane operators don't make that.
KID: Hourly wages are for suckers. I'm gonna make salary.
ME: Not carrying my groceries, you aren't. Besides, if you were really smart you'd know that hourly is the way to go. Once you make salary, the company owns you and can work you as much as they want for the same money.
KID: Yeah, but you don't get medical and dental as no hourly employee.
ME: What does a 10-year-old juvenile delinquent like you know about medical and dental benefits?
KID: I'm 11 and I ain't no juvenile delinquent. Why don't you carry your own groceries and stop exploiting children?
ME: Is there a camera hidden somewhere nearby? Am I supposed to be charmed into coaching your Little League team or something?
KID: Man, what are you talking about?
ME: Never mind. So are you going to do this for $5 or what?
KID: I'll do it for a flat $10, no matter how many trips.
ME: $10, but you take my garbage back down wth you when you go...
KID: All right.
ME: ...including used kitty litter.
KID: No way. I ain't carrying no nasty kitty litter.
ME: Fine. No kitty litter.
KID: Deal.

I hate kids.

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