Wednesday, June 20, 2007

It must be hard to be humble

I stopped at a gas station on the way home tonight and I was thirsty, so I went inside to grab something to drink. There I found a canned beverage comprised of half iced tea and half lemonade named after Arnold Palmer. I don't know a whole lot about Mr. Palmer...I mean aside from the obvious facts that everyone knows; that he was one of America's greatest astronauts, became president of the United States and invented the umbrella. But when it comes to personal info, well, I guess I'm just not up to par. Because I had no idea that he enjoyed this concoction so much that they named it after him. Just like how they name sandwiches after celebrities in New York delis. I can only imagine that's gotta be just a massive ego trip. The closest I've ever come to having a sandwich named after me is when they write my name on the bag when I call in for take-out. Of course, I can't complain. I've never done anything worthy of having any foodstuffs named after me. By which I mean I've never done anything. At all.

However, here in Tampa Bay, we're fortunate to have a resident who has several things named after him: Football Hall of Famer Lee Roy Selmon. At one time or another, Mr. Selmon has had a barbecue sauce, a chain of restaurants and a major expressway named in his honor. He's as famous for conducting himself with grace, class and dignity as he is for anything he accomplished during his storied athletic career. I don't know how he does it because I'm telling you right now, I couldn't do it without being downright insufferable. Why, if I were in Lee Roy Selmon's position...
  • During commencement speech at Jefferson High School: "Congratulations, graduating class of 2007! This is a tremendous accomplishment in your young lives and deserves a celebration. Grab mom, dad, grandma and grampa and let's all go over to Me and have a big, family-style feast! My portions are generous and sharing is encouraged. Bring your diplomas...and your appetites!"

  • Approaching a group of shoppers talking amongst themselves at Brandon Town Center Mall: "Say folks, were you just debating what the best, quickest way to get from here to Gandy Boulevard is? That's easy! Just hop on The Me and you'll be there in no time! There's a nominal fee, but I'm well worth it!"

  • Climbing over someone's backyard fence in Carrollwood: "Mmm-mm, that smells really good! But you know what would take those ribs up to Hall of Fame-level delicious? Spread some Me Sauce on them! Go ahead, don't be stingy with my smooth, smokey goodness. And next time, marinate that meat in Me overnight for even more of a kick!"

Yeah, all things considered, I think the people in charge of naming stuff after people probably have it right.

(Cross posted at Sticks Of Fire)

No comments: