Sunday, April 15, 2007

Ranking the ginormous banners of Tampa

If you have something you want to advertise, a product or a service perhaps, a good way to do that is by hanging huge banners on your building. For instance, if Waffle House wanted to let people know about their delicious scattered, smothered and covered hash browns, they could do so by putting a banner featuring the hashbrowns on their building. This would do the trick because the picture on the banner would look soooo delicious, but Waffle Houses are small, one story buildings and the banners I'm talking about would cover them like a pest control tent. And also everybody already knows all about the scattered, smothered and covered so why bother? And so for no purpose whatsoever, here are arbitrary, unneccesary and unintelligible rankings of some of Tampa's incredibly large advertising banners...

WTVT (Channel 13) Tampa's Fox affiliate

For years, Roy Leep was the preeminent weatherman in Tampa. When the radar tower pictured here was originally built, we used to joke that Roy Leep and his dog Scud were inside actually making the weather ("Yes, make it rain for one hour yet again today! More humidity, more! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!"). Now that Roy has retired, there are huge banners of the two guys who do the weather now. I think their names are Paul Dellagato (sp?) and Some Other Guy. That just doesn't seem right. Hey, you two guys, get your faces off of Roy leep's radar tower.
GRADE: 6.58

(PS: This is easily the most phallic photo I have ever posted. Good god, look at that thing!)

The Forum, home of the Tampa Bay Lightning "boasts" a six story high banner of goalie Marc Denis, who was acquired from something called the Columbus Blue Jackets in exchange for Freddy Modin last summer. Last summer, that was a great deal! This spring, all you can say is "oof". Maybe "ouch".

WFLA (Channel 8) Tampa's NBC affiliate
I didn't bother looking to see if they have any banners. I should have because I'll bet they do. But I didn't. Shame on me.
GRADE (on me): # @ % &

Ray Jay is banner nirvanner. Humongous banners featuring logos, players and sponsors are everywhere you look, inside and out. But about that logo: this is a big, bad NFL franchise. They even won the Superbowl a few years ago. So what's with the skull guy's combover? Look at him; he's got swords, a football and scary grin on his face...and two sad little wisps of hair inadequately covering his boney pate. I bet he drives a sports car or a massive SUV too. Hey, skeleton logo; you're popular, successful and you have huge advertising banners. Stop being so insecure!
GRADE: X = B2TP> 5.6798

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