Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Kitty no likey

I am a cat owner. As a result of buying cat food and signing up online for coupons and whatnot, I occasionally receive emails from a cat safety advocacy group called "CatAge". This week's email concerns Halloween costumes for kitties, which I will share with you now [with editorial comments] in the interest of sharing concerns about cat welfare with responsible cat owners and concerns about stupidity on behalf of dumbasses who own cats.

"Halloween costumes for pets are all the rage these days. Dogs tend to tolerate dressing up much better than cats [much like everything else in the whole universe], but if your kitty doesn't mind (that hissing sound will be your first clue, if he does), try the bat-cat getup or a Dr. Seuss hat. Just make sure your kitty is enjoying his costume as much as you are [this scenario is virtually impossible to imagine], and that you consider the following things about the getup:
  • It's the right fit -- not so tight that it constricts your cat's breathing, circulation, or movement, and not so loose that it entangles him [cats have extremely liberal interpretations of loose and tight; being locked in a spacious cat carrier for a 10 minute drive to the vet is traumatizing, cramming into a size 8 shoebox for no good reason at all is good times].
  • It's made of the right materials -- nonflammable and free of dangling bells, baubles, or strings he could choke on [in other words, anything about it that the cat might find remotely appealing].
  • It's the right time to wear it [showing off on a first date probably does not qualify]-- worn only in your presence, and only long enough to snap a few photos; remove if your cat shows any signs of discomfort [being pissed off], anxiety [pissed off], or panic [pissedoffedness].

How about you just don't do it? Your cat is going to interpret your sudden desire to wrap it in cloth as an indication that you've lost your mind. Because your cat doesn't know it's Halloween or even why that matters. What your cat does know is where you sleep and that you are not a big fan of having your stuff peed on. Is it worth it?

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