Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The First Annual Awesomenicity Award!

It's my sincere belief that the greatest reward any human being could ever receive for doing something awesome is free french fries for life, served upon demand from any restaurant in the whole world that serves french fries. And that is exactly what the winner of my Annual Awesomnicity Award should receive (unfortunately, I don't currently have the authority to actually grant this award, merely to recommend, so that's what I'm doing: Hey restaurants, let's get with it!).

Let's meet this year's winner...

The basic rule of nature when species interact is "If you aren't something to eat, than I am". We as humans have come to believe that this particular rule does not apply to us because we have developed the ability to make and operate machines. Although, if you doubt that the basic rule is still valid, the next time you're cornered by a lion, try defending yourself by demonstrating an inclined plane and see what happens.

Since we choose to ignore this basic rule while the rest of nature does not, many animals simply don't understand the concept of pet ownership, viewing it as literally playing with one's food. Luckily, the other thing we as humans do is use our fists to teach lessons. This, plus love and devotion, is what inspired Greg LeNoir to dive into the water and punch the shit out of a shark that was trying to eat LeNoir's dog Jake. As a result, Jake is going to be just fine, at least one shark is going to think twice before trying to eat someones pet (well, probably not but what are you gonna do?) and a man who is not afraid to punch sharks now walks among us mere mortals.

Congratulations, Mr. LeNoir and enjoy your fries. Feel free to share some of them with Jake, who is a good boy, isn't he? Yes he is! He's a very good boy!

No comments: