Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Tour De Taco

Thanks to Jason Bartlett, America was treated to free tacos from Taco Bell yesterday. Well, one free taco each...unless you visited multiple Taco Bell restaurants. Like this:
The promotion occurs between 2pm and 6pm. I have a good four hours to maximize my taco take. My goal; 10 free and delicious tacos.
  1. 5318 E Fowler Ave - Mmmm, outstanding! But unsatisfying. I need another one quickly.
  2. 1701 E Fowler Ave - I don't know whose idea it was to put two Taco Bells so close together but whoever it is, is a genius.
  3. 2031 E Bearss Ave - This is the northernmost Taco Bell in Tampa. My route is designed to finish as close to home as possible. The third taco goes down well, albeit a tad slower than the first two.
  4. 2921 E Busch Blvd - Moving south now, this completes the North Tampa/Temple Terrace quadrant. This Taco Bell is right outside Busch Gardens and I blame the difficulty downing this one on trying to do so while watching people take the 90 degree plunge on SheiKra.
  5. 2016 N 50th St - This one is off the beaten path so it has the longest drive to and from. I'm kind of glad to have the breaks at this point. Can't believe I'm only half done. Where is that incessant buzzing noise coming from?
  6. 3802 S Dale Mabry Hwy - South Tampa likes to act all hoity toity but their Taco Bell is just like all the others, I think to myself as I kind of half stagger out. I am dizzy and my tongue feels like it is wearing a wool sweater.
  7. 4661 W Kennedy Blvd - This is becoming a struggle. All I can smell is Taco Bell (which, yes, has it's very own individual scent, which is kind of like one part bleach and two parts extremely mild picante sauce and one part off-brand corn chips), whether I'm in one or not, although being in one, the smell is so strong it makes my knees buckle.
  8. 7620 W Hillsborough Ave - I can no longer feel my fingers and I'm having angry conversations with an imaginary half-man/half-taco creature who is following and taunting me. It would be so easy to just go home now but I...must...persevere. I can't let the bastard win.
  9. 7325 W Waters Ave - Oh god, this one is too close to the last one. I don't think I even finished swallowing the last bite from the one on Hillsborough before I'm pulling into the one on Waters. What kind of asshole puts two of the same restaurant so close to one another? My hands shake uncontrollably as I close my car door and trudge inside.
  10. 11105 N Dale Mabry Hwy - Finally, the last one. I did it! I'd stand with my arms raised triumphantly over my head like a bruised-but-not-beaten Rocky Balboa except that it's physically impossible to do so. I'm convinced that an explosion not unlike the one that created the universe billions of years ago is building in my lower intestine which is functioning more like a witch's cauldron than a digestive organ right now. I hate Jason Bartlett right now and wish with all my might that it had been Jimmie Rollins or another member of the Phillies that had stolen the first base in the World Series. The only person I hate more at this point is the 911 operator who tells me that she will not dispatch an ambulance to follow me home.

1 comment:

Gadzooks64 said...


I totally woulda rode shotgun.