Monday, December 22, 2008

It's really not a good time to be a douchebag right now

Douchebags have had it pretty damn good in this country for quite a while now (especially during the last eight years). But there are indications that the times they are a-changin'...

RANDY WHITE - The charismatic leader of what was once the fastest growing cult church in America is watching it all come crumbling down as he has been beset by a number of problems, including a
divorce, a dwindling congregation, code enforcement violations and impending foreclosure. I don't think the Holy Scripture specifically mentions what God thinks about pastors who award themselves degrees and live like rock stars, but I'm guessing He doesn't like it.

The Executive Director of the Lowry Park Zoo was fired last week after investigations revealed extremely improper conduct taking place at the zoo, including over 200 transactions authorized by Salisbury that involved the exchange of animals between the zoo, a public, tax-supported entity, and Safari Wild, a private enterprise he owns in Polk County. As an extra point kick in the nuts, his wife was cited and fined for two counts of animal cruelty when she left two dogs locked in her SUV in the parking lot outside of the proceeding while Salisbury was inside getting the ax.

TIM MARCUM - The head coach of the Tampa Bay Storm, who once rewarded some of his players with
phony championship rings and tried to enlist others as accomplices in an insurance fraud scheme, suddenly has a clear calendar after the Arena Football League decided to suspend operation and not play in 2009. The league says it will be back next year after a "reorganization". Sort of like when restaurants close for "remodeling".

THE JOKER - This sad clown tried to run (and ruin) things in Gotham City, but I guess the Batman had a little something to say about that, didn't he?

OJ SIMPSON - The Juice is no longer loose.
He's headed to prison for a minimum of nine years after being convicted of felony kidnapping, armed robbery and other charges stemming from a gunpoint confrontation with two sports memorabilia dealers in Las Vegas and not for murdering two people in 1995 and then playing a shitload of golf.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH - The governor of Illinois is in deep, deep trouble for attempting to sell the vacated senate seat of president-elect Barack Obama and for using a beaver as a hat.

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