Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Thanks, but I'm a Harvard man

Some lumps of spam are classier than others. Check out what was in my inbox tonight:
Hello Clark,
It is a privilege to inform you that you are being considered
for inclusion into the 2009/2010 Princeton Premier Honors Edition Registry.
This recognition is an honor shared by only the most accomplished professionals who have demonstrated excellence within their careers and communities.
Inclusion into the Princeton Premier global network is
considered a benchmark of achievement. Once accepted, your successes are documented and preserved for all time in the hardcover registry, which is distributed throughout the world.
There is no cost to be included in the registry. Simply complete your application form and submit it within five business days to be considered for publication.
You may access our application form using the following link:
On behalf of the entire Princeton Premier community, best wishes for continued success.
Jay Harris
Managing Director
Princeton Premier

"Ewww! Well, look at him!", you're saying right about now.

That's right, haters. I'm being considered! For inclusion this time. That means they're paying some consideration to including me. In case you didn't already know, inclusion is a very exclusive thing. They don't consider just anybody for inclusion. For one thing, you've got to have a functional email address. Those are not a dime a dozen, although most of them are free. Then, you have to be able to click on a link and fill out a form. Many people might be able to do one or the other. Do you know anybody who can do both? They might be 2009/2010 Princeton Premier Honors Edition Registry material. Maybe. On top of all this, you have to be an accomplished professional who has demonstrated something in the whatever or something or other. Clearly, these people have seen me play cell phone Tetris because I do that really well, better than many people who still play Tetris, I would say. I have every single one of the high scores on my phone.

Coincidentally, I have been seeking the kind of benchmark of achievement that would document and preserve all of my successes in a hardcover publication with worldwide distribution. On Sunday I was at Wal Mart where I asked a clerk, "excuse me, do you have any benchmarks of achievement that would document and preserve all of my successes in a hardcover publication with worldwide distribution?" and of course, they did. In bulk. $12.99 for a pack of four. Ah, but inclusion in the Princeton Premier Honors Edition Registry is free (albeit, sans Hannah Montana puffy stickers).

All in all, a pretty tempting proposition, but I'm going to pass. Mainly because it sounds awfully permanent. What if I follow up all of my many achievements and successes this year by becoming the genocidal despot of an African nation next year? It could happen. Then somebody sitting in the lobby of a Hilton in Djibouti leafing through a copy of the 2009/2010 Princeton Premier Honors Edition Registry might come across my profile and say, "oh, I don't think they should have considered him for inclusion." Mr. Harris would probably be pretty embarrassed. In spite of whatever atrocities I might be involved in at that time, I think I'd still find time to feel kind of bad about that.

Maybe next year.

1 comment:

The Mayor said...

congrats!!!!! :)