Tuesday, April 14, 2009

That Firing Show

This is coming soon to Fox:

The network has picked up the reality (show) "Someone's Gotta Go," which enters real businesses across the country and gives employees the power to decide which one of them will be terminated...Each episode will revolve around a different small business -- usually one with 15-20 employees -- that has been forced to make staff reductions because of the sour economy.
The company's books will be opened up to the employees, who will learn what everyone makes and what's in their human resources files. Employees will also get a chance to say, face to face, what they really think of one another.
Ultimately, the employees will vote on who should be terminated. That person will likely receive a small severance, but that's it. --Variety

It's a show. Get it? You're supposed to come home from work (if you're lucky), plop down on the couch and be entertained by watching this. Ha ha ha ha!!

"It's 'Survivor' meets 'The Office'," squealed reality tv programmer Mike Darnell of Fox, who has apparently never seen 'The Office' or heaven help us all if he ever catches a glimpse of 'Schindler's List'.

"I feel that it's part of the times that we are living in," Darnell, believed to be a limbless, scaly being who secretes a foul smelling oily discharge as he slithers about, said. "It's certainly no worse than watching the news every night and hearing all the statistics and watching what is happening," upholding Fox's long held philosophy that it's those people watching television in an effort to be informed about current events and issues that affect their lives who are the real degenerates.

The show is being produced by Endemol USA, the company behind 'Big Brother,' 'Deal or No Deal' and 'Fear Factor' among other cultural masterpieces designed to give a gentle shove to a society that just isn't flushing itself down the toilet fast enough. "We're always trying to find the next thing that is topical and timely in the zeitgeist," said Endemol North America chairman David Goldberg, presumably from atop a throne constructed of flaming kitten skulls. "What could be more current than the financial crisis and dealing with the realities of losing jobs? This is an extension of that real-life experience." It's believed he then paused briefly to spit venom in a toddler's eyes before using his hairy tail and leathery wings to trip an old woman walking down a flight of stairs.

Have the two masterminds thought about responsibility? You bet they have! "We've consulted with labor attorneys and have covered all of our bases," Goldberg said. "We've got an employment expert and business consultant to work with us through this process. There is a professional involved that brings the show an element of credibility." Well of course lawyers and credibility consultants have been involved. But what about what's left behind at these companies after the show is over? What about the fallout in a workplace afterwards, where employees are going to be expected to work together as colleagues after they tried to get each other fired on national television? "Sounds like good reality television," Darnell says.

Hmm, I don't know. It seems like the greater good would be better served by some kind of reality show that is topical yet offers a far more uplifting resolution in the end. I'm talking of course about MY new reality show, 'Who Wants To Donkeypunch A Millionaire?'


Jessie said...

Kudos on the use of the word "Donkeypunch" in a sentence. ;)

Why, it's Clark! said...

Above all else, I strive to maintain an air of class and dignity.

Head Fartblossom In Charge