Friday, June 04, 2010

I hate it when real life rips off my ideas for awesome beer commercials

This happened in Tampa on Tuesday:Heineken truck hits median; overturnsAnd this happens in my imagination almost every day...

Beer truck (brand name is irrelevant) hits median; overturns
Crowd on sidewalk gasps
Driver's bloody arm emerges from wreckage
DRIVER (unseen) "Ohhh...ahh...s-somebody...somebody please. H-help me."
Suddenly, a geyser of beer explodes from the truck
CROWD: "Hurray! All right! (various other cheers of approval, joy, etc.)"
Construction workers stand under the geyser with their mouths open.
A prim-and-proper looking businesswoman lets her hair down, takes off her glasses and starts 'pole dancing' on a traffic sign.
Men in suits are on their hands and knees, lapping beer from rapidly forming puddles in the street.
A rabbi and a priest 'chest bump' one another.
DRIVER: "Please! My abdomen is swelling and I'm having trouble breathing. I-I think I might be bleeding internally."
Sirens are heard in the distance.
SOMEONE IN THE CROWD: "Hey look, an ambulance!"
DRIVER: "Oh thank God. The paramedics are here."
The ambulance screeches to a halt and the back doors are flung open.
FORMERLY PRIM-AND-PROPER BUSINESSWOMAN: "Oh my God! It's the original Van Halen!"
The crowd cheers wildly
DRIVER: "Well, o-okay...didn't I read somewhere that David Lee Roth was training to become a licensed emergency medical technician?"
DAVID LEE ROTH (singing): "Panama! Panama-ha!"

1 comment:

Renee Warmack said...

You need to copyright that one or a beer company is gonna rip it off... very nice!