Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Another gem from Clark's Kitchen

Here's another quick, cheap and easy recipe that you can try for breakfast! "Oh Clark, you're so stupid. It's too late to eat breakfast," you say. And I reply that your statement is only half right; it's never too late to eat breakfast. In fact late night breakfast is one of the most enjoyable experiences you will ever have in your entire life. So shut up.
This is an egg dish, like an omelette only not all uppity, that I like to call...



  • Three eggs (chicken, unfertilized)
  • One onion (again, I like the Spanish ones)
  • Cheese (shredded cheddar is best but you can get by with slices of American)
  • Salsa (Newman's Own is awesome but use whatever you like/have)
  • One skillet (You fancy folks can use a frying pan if you want, but you should stop taking yourself so seriously and get a good ol' fashioned skillet)


  1. Spray your skillet with some cooking spray and pre-heat it on "medium high".
  2. Cut up the onion into medium to big pieces while the skillet gets hot. (Man, I do love saying skillet!)
  3. Throw the chopped onions into the skillet. (They might try to resist. "No! Please! Don't cook us!", they'll plead. Don't listen to them. If you're like me, the last thing you need right now is a bunch of screaming onions whose only concern is their own self preservation. You just want to eat. So you tell them, "Be Quiet! It's your job. Go do your damn job!" and toss them right in there. Sure, they'll sizzle but don't let that bother you. You're in charge here and you don't take shit from onions.)
  4. Cook them for a while until they get soft. (That is NOT what she said)
  5. Crack the eggs and dump them right on top of the onions. (Go ahead, this is part of what makes this so easy)
  6. Stir it up. (Stir it all up! Stir like the wind. Stir like you've never stirred before. Stir like nobody is watching. Because in all likelihood, nobody is watching.)
  7. It looks like a mess, doesn't it? (Keep stirring)
  8. It looks like it's not going to cook. (Keep stirring)
  9. Ugh. It's all slimey looking. (Keep stirring)
  10. What's the deal? (Quiet, keep stirring)
  11. This was a bad idea. (Keep stirring)
  12. Maybe you missed a step. (Keep stirring)
  13. No, no you didn't. (Keep stirring)
  14. You did everything perfectly. (Keep stirring)
  15. Was I just messing with you? Maybe I was! (Keep stirring)
  16. What a jerk! (Keep stirring)
  17. Why did you listen to me? (Keep stirring)
  18. What were you thinking?!? (Keep stirring)
  19. This is all just...oh wait! (Keep stirring)
  20. Suddenly it's starting to firm up into scrambled eggs. (Keep stirring)
  21. Yeah. You doubted me. That hurts. (Keep stirring)
  22. Now that you have your scrambled eggs and onions, stop stirring and add the cheese.
  23. Leave it on the heat just long enough for the cheese to start melting. (It will keep melting after you remove it from the heat plus you don't want the eggs on the bottom to burn)
  24. Dish it up on to a plate.
  25. Remember when you bought salsa because your new "thing" was going to be non-fat tortilla chips & salsa because it's a healthier alternative to other snack foods? What did that last, like a weekend before you were back to dipping pork rinds in Marie's Blue Cheese dressing? Well, now's the time to try to make amends to the salsa. Go ahead and spoon some onto the egg/onion/cheese melange (that's French for "hot mess") you just created.


1 comment:

Jessie said...

If my husband starts giving me slack for yelling at my onions, I'm blaming you...