Monday, January 12, 2009

Underneath it all

Now that we're smack-dab in the middle of the NFL playoffs, leading up to the Superbowl extravaganza in just a couple of weeks, sports and sports products are really prominent. One of the most ubiquitous of those products is underwear made by a company called Under Armour. Well, the company, and most of it's customers will tell you it's more than just mere underwear; it's 'performance apparel'. I'm sorry, it's shorts and tee shirts designed to be worn beneath other clothing. By definition, that makes it underwear. Under is the first word in the company's name. I don't know about the Armour part but there must be something in it that makes you uncomfortable because this is what people who wear Under Armour look like...They don't look happy do they? They look really, really unhappy. Downright angry, in fact. I feel that way enough as it is already. I really don't need my underwear contributing to my foul moods. If anything, I want my underwear to help me feel good. Calm me down, chill me out, make me cozy and comfy. That's why I much prefer a standard, low-performance underwear. Like Hanes, for instance.


That's Hanes spokesman Michael Jordan. Look at him. He's composed, confident, beatific, perhaps even a tad bemused. That's how I want my underwear to make me feel.
Now this is some unknown model from an Under Armour commercial:
He seems to be saying, "RAWWWRRR!! I WILL EAT YOUR BABIES, BITCH!!!" or some other unpleasant platitudes. Maybe he's cursing The Fantastic Four for foiling his plans for world domination yet again...


At least Dr. Doom wears actual armour.
But maybe that's the whole point. Maybe Under Armour makes you aggressive and gives you that extra edge you need to vanquish your opponent in athletic competition. The only problem with that is while I have no idea who any of the Under Armour guys pictured here are, the guy wearing Hanes is Olympic gold medal winner, six time NBA champion, five time NBA most valuable player and 14 time NBA all-star Michael friggin' Jordan.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well if you would put down your Cheetos and Kool Aid, and turn on a Football game on Sunday you would know who they are. They are all professional Football players, wheras Michael Jordan is a Retired Athlete with a severe gambling addiction. Sigh. Maybe its best if you do some research or ask someone before you speak you feeble mind.
Peace.

Why, it's Clark! said...

Thanks. I always try to place a certain value on the advice of people who don't think enough of it to sign their name and I've assigned almost that much to yours.

Anonymous said...

Dude, why would anyone want to post and associate their name with your Mindless Rants. I just stumbled on your site due to your copyrighted images, which you are using without permission. As a web developer it would be embarassing to have anyone know I visited your personel toilet of opinions. Here is something to assign a certain value to, if it is within your limited comprehension. Your information is being passed along to a respresentative from Under Armour, what they do what it is up to them.

Peace.

Why, it's Clark! said...

And yet you keep coming back here, to a site you found while doing a search for pictures of men in their underwear. Things must be slow in the web development/tattling industry. Regardless, thanks for the hits and feel free to keep coming back. Although, I'm probably going to start deleting your comments, just because they're boring and loaded with bad grammar and poor spelling. I'm doing that as a favor to you because I'm pretty sure any potential web design clients might find that a little more off-putting than what sites you visit to find pictures of men in their drawers.