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My lease expires on January 31st and I've been making a mental list of pros and cons to not renewing it and moving away from Tampa. You know how a semi-crazy idea will pop into your head, maybe it has to do with cutting or coloring your hair or something like that, and nine out of ten times you laugh it off and say "yeah right!!"...but that tenth time, instead of laughing it off, you kind of pause and think "hmmm....". That's kind of where I am right now. I don't know where I'd go and I'm not sure that's even important. It's not like I have strong ties to my job. My skills are transferable and I'm pretty resourceful. Point being, there isn't much I do here that I wouldn't be able to do somewhere else. But that door swings both ways, in which case the question is why leave? The root of that question comes down to roots, as in do I have any in this community, and that's the question I'm not sure I can answer. I used to think I did but it's dawning on me that I may have been mistaken. I think I could disappear tomorrow without creating much of an impact. I'm not saying that in an "everybody would be better off if I'd never been born but I wish someone would argue with me about it" way, like a pre-Clarence, down-and-out George Bailey. I'm saying it in a "seriously, when I think about it, nobody really relies on me for...well, anything at all" way, like a post-Saturday Night Live, down-and-out Joe Piscopo way. My honest, non-sentimental belief is that if I were to slip out of town this Friday without making a big announcement (which is exactly how I would do it, if it comes to that), it would be at least three weeks before anybody noticed.
Wow. That's kind of sobering. I realized that was the case at the same time I was reminded that my lease is set to expire. Factor in the appeal of reinvention in a new and different setting, the opportunity to eliminate some clutter and, well, wheels in my mind started to turn that continue to spin.
Point is, I don't know right now what I'm going to do, or even what I want to do. If I had to choose right this second, I'd stay here in Tampa because moving is a huge pain in the ass and the unknown is scary. I have about a week to figure it out. In the meantime, I'm a free agent with a lot of thinking to do.